夜幕的守望者

我是一个城市人。生于城市。长于城市。现在我是一个彻头彻尾的城市的外乡人。


曾经转角的小吃店,消失了;曾经熟悉的青石板,也不再了;曾经的楼房,被更高的楼房挡住了;曾经的人们,被另一群人代替了。


城市的味道变得复杂了,多了石灰味,少了青草味;多了一点躁动,少了一点平和;多了光亮,少了夜色温柔。我像一条狗,拖着疲惫的四条腿,努力分辨那熟悉的气味的方向。却总因为太过模糊而不得不时而停下,这里嗅嗅,那里嗅嗅,一脸茫然的向人们摇摇尾巴。


闭上眼,我好像知道在哪里;顺着模糊的记忆,我却找不到我要的回忆。


夜里我找寻的到一扇扇透着亮光的窗,却迷失了原本暗的静悄悄半开着等待的门。


十字路口,红灯变绿灯,绿灯在倒计时,一秒,一秒,人从此处走向彼处,从彼处走向此处,车呼啸而过,轰鸣声刺耳,只有我站在原地,置身在此处,却是在彼处,一步也挪不开,听到嘈杂,却什么也听不进,一切都在快进,只有我在原地,一切都那么模糊,只有我在de javu.


现在我在雨里的江南,现在我在湿热的海港。港口的旁边是锋利的高楼,透明的玻璃像要把我刺穿。玻璃窗里是刺眼的灯在闪耀。彩色的灯光刺过房里的人,人手里的酒杯,酒杯里的液体,液体里人的放纵的笑。窗外是暗的海水,无声的呐喊。上一秒我在十字路口,这一秒我在三十九楼的窗前。我置身在此处。却是在彼处。


现在我在海港,现在我在机舱。飞机冰冷的穿过云层,像一条乖觉的大鱼不露声息,也像一把锋利的匕首切开时空。走动的人们,迥异的言语,无滋无味的电影,无滋无味的餐盒。我什么都听得懂,我什么都不懂。我在此处,也在彼处。我是中国人,也是外国人。我不是中国人,也不是外国人。文化的对峙像汹涌的海啸拍打在沙滩一样在我体内碰撞,把我撕裂。我置身在此处。却是在彼处。我置身在彼处。却是在哪都不是的地方。我无处可寻。我无处可逃。


我是谁?我在哪里?
我该是谁?我该去哪里?
我失去了感官。我迷失了自我。我迷失在这世界里。我迷失在我自己里。
只有夜幕褪去,白昼将临的时候,我能在泛白的月亮里看见我自己。
在城市未开始城市的时候,我能感觉到自己在此处,而非在彼处。
我只有一遍一遍抬起头,守望这夜晚。


P.S.
今天偶然看到昆德拉对这种陌生的存在性质的评论: “令人震惊的陌生性并非表现在我们所追嬉的不相识的女人身上,而是在一个过去曾经属于我们的女人的身上。只有在长时间远走后重返故乡,才能揭示世界与存在的根本的陌生性。”

second night in hong kong

我的头还有点疼.鼻尖还有残留的机舱里刺鼻的冰冷气息.
食指揉了揉发胀的太阳穴.定了定神,努力把眼睛对着前面. 毫无预兆的,是什么呢?
<啪嗒> 是了, 今天遇见了个百分之百的女孩.在这百分之百的夏日里.
毫无征兆的,好像熬了一夜的清晨,惺忪双眼,套着睡裤吹着口哨走在已经有声音的街上,拐角路过早点店,毫无预兆的,街角一抬头看到了日出的阳光.庄严.绚丽.不由得屏住呼吸,心跳的紧张起来,让人只想驻足原地,对着它行注目礼,直到仪式结束.仿佛一道电流,一束光,这一时刻生命改变了轨迹. (more…)

reference organizer

ReadCube, the reference manager software from Nature Publishing Group, has recently released major update/re-development, which finally makes it a usable gadget and a legitimate competitor of Mendeley, my favorite one in this category.
Since my early days in science (2008 ish), I’ve always wanted a perfect file manager that organizes and displays my pdfs——-something like the “Papers” on Mac, but works on PC, has a cloud storage and is free.
After several months’ searching and comparing, I settled down on Mendeley and have used it ever since.
Mendeley has everything I need. Concise UI, automatic metadata fetching, great PDF display, notes, highlights and tags. The free version offers 1G (2G now) of cloud storage, which is a decent amount for PDF files, and sync between the desktop version and the web. It also has a web importer bookmarklet which allows instant paper import to the library when the metadata is able to be extracted from the current webpage. This works on PubMed and most of the journal websites. It has something beyond my expectation. It introduces the “watched folders”, in which every PDF stored are automatically listed and updated in the software library. Even better, you have the option to let Mendeley rename your files based on key metadata information such as “author”,”journal” and “year”. Last but not least, it’s also an Endnote. Easy reference import and bibliography generation in office word, open office and libre office.
The only two minor flaws in my opinion is: the font size of the library display is too small (~10.5 pt) and cannot be changed, which makes it hard to browse from a 15” laptop. This later becomes less of an issue when I more and more rely on searching with tags and authors and basically not use the main library display anymore. The other downside of Mendeley is the memory allocation. I’ve experienced, when the library contains over 1,000 PDF files, severe lag and poor performance of the software. Since then, I reduced the number of actual PDFs saved on my disk, instead saved most of them only in metadata format.
Back to ReadCube. ReadCube was first introduced, I believe, sometime in 2012. I gave it a try because of its stunning UI and the ability to fetch reference hyperlinks and supplemental information from the paper. The user interface is very Mac like: simplicity, nice button effects and awesome colors. For some of the papers that are “enhanceable”, ReadCube can automatically extract reference and supplemental information from the paper, which is great. But ReadCube at the time did not offer many other useful features like what Mendeley does: web importer, write-and-cite tool, cloud and file renaming. What was the worst and essentially prevented me using ReadCube was the display: it has three columns, the library info panel on the left, references/abstract/supplemental on the right, and the actual PDF in the middle. The two panels on either side cannot be closed/hidden and therefore the effective reading space is greatly reduced, and on my 15.5” laptop, too small a font to read. You can zoom in, but everything became a mess to navigate. Also, the addition of references and supplemental often times makes the software running slow and easy to crash.
But everything’s changed in this recent major re-make from last week. The two cumbersome panels can be removed during reading mode, which makes the actual size of reading space equivalent to that of Mendeley’s. Everything is smoother and quicker. I can finally enjoy reading a paper without having worry about the font size and potential crashes. It also introduces web importer and citation tool for Word. On the other hand, you have to pay for cloud space (though unlimited) and watched folder option for $5/mo. And it still doesn’t have tags and file-renaming. And for some reason (perhaps because of my customized font rendering), fonts in ReadCube do not look as sharp as in Mendeley.
So, Mendeley is still my go-to reference manager and paper organizer, although ReadCube has had some great features and improvement. Something I think could be useful is the online Mendeley community. You can invite friends and colleagues and share ideas and papers; you can see other people’s recommendation and comments on papers, sort of like F1000, but clearly less matured. I haven’t tested either of those because I have only one friend in my Mendeley account and we haven’t talked since February of 2011.

chemogenomics

I was about to write something about this study led by Guri Giaever’s group from my beloved U of T MoGen department, when I saw the update from Derek Lowe’s blog on the same subject, where he and a few fellow chemists have spotted some silly chemistry mistakes.
First, they appear to recognize N-phenylbenzylamine and it’s biologically equivalent tautomer as two chemicals and apparently target two distinct cellular pathways.
Then there’s this issue with imidazole and protonated imidazole, which shouldn’t exist at all in a physiological buffer system.
And this one is particularly funny: they have this cyclohexa-2,4-dien-1-one

which should just be phenol indeed.
And there’s a few more examples of mis-nomenclature and small molecules invalid in a biological system like those.
What a shame on the authors! What a shame on the reviewers! and on Ron David, who is in the authorship list and whom I respect a lot.
PS. a note on Guri. Apparently she’s not at U of T anymore. She and her husband, another MoGen faculty, Corey Nislow have joined UBC since last year. Interesting move.

Cysteine and Huntington’s disease: a very ambiguous link

This paper is interesting. It’s not substantial.
I take it as a grain of salt. No, I don’t like it at all.
They were seeing reduced level of an metabolic enzyme Cystathionine γ-lyase (CSE), which makes cysteine and hydrogen sulfide in three models of huntington’ disease: cell lines, mouse models and post-mortem patient samples. And CSE KO mice exhibits certain behavior deficits resembling HD symptoms. Replenishing cysteine in diet alleviates these behavior deficits and increases survival.
First of all, it’s an interesting observation of a reduced level of CSE in HD models——perhaps among hundreds of other random proteins. There is no evidence suggesting CSE activity loss or global reduction in cysteine level, in any way, contributes to disease onset/progression.
Actually they can’t tell if cysteine is the culprit here. CSE makes both cysteine and hydrogen sulfide, and we know that H2S is an important second messenger in signaling in the brain and periphery. That cysteine rescue experiment does not rule out H2S function in the disease state.
The biggest problem I have with this study is all the behavior assay. They were trying to use a few of the standard motor tests to model HD, which is just not nearly satisfying at all. Who knows what causes these deficits when you deplete one of the nine essential amino acids ? It totally doesn’t have to be, in any way, Huntington-dependent, and these tests are not at all good means to monitor HD pathophysiology.
What should they do? Well, since it’s just too vague a connection between CSE expression and some random motor behavior tests, anything in between is essential and the more, the better. At least they should’ve looked at some cellular phenotypes including cell death, inclusion body aggregates and neurodegeneration. Some metabolic profiling and behavior are also welcomed.